What Does Gaslighting Mean?

Where Does The Term Gaslighting Originate From?

The term “gaslighting” originates from a British play-turned film from the 1930s called “Gas Light” where the plot details a husband who mentally and emotionally manipulates his wife into questioning her perception of reality. He does this by changing the intensity of the gas lamps in their home and manipulates her into a situation where she doubts her own sanity with dire consequences.

What Techniques Do Modern Day Gaslighters Use?

Gaslighting techniques can be subtle yet highly effective in manipulating the victim's perception of reality. Gaslighters often employ tactics such as denial, invalidation, gaslighting by proxy, blaming the victim, and making the victim question their own memory of events. These strategies are aimed at destabilizing the victim's sense of self, making them increasingly reliant on the gaslighter for validation and guidance. By systematically distorting the victim's perception of reality, gaslighters maintain power and control over the victim, leaving them feeling confused, isolated, and emotionally vulnerable.

Question Is Gaslighting Always Intentional?

Obviously not in my case however gaslighting behaviour can occur unconsciously, stemming from personality disorders or abusive tendencies. It may also be influenced by societal conditions and popular culture, impacting one's perception of reality. While gaslighting may not always be intentionally malicious, its effects on mental health and emotional well-being are still detrimental to those on the receiving end of it. Whether it be Gaslighting people in business their personal life or through the various social media platforms the effects and impacts on people’s personal wellbeing are long lasting and exceedingly difficult to deal with. 

Answer No It Is Not Always Intentional  But It Can Still Be Very Damaging. 

Have you ever been gaslighted by email we were when a number of years ago, we worked in a Factory providing Commercial Cleaning and Facilities Management Services. I responded to a client’s email in a group involving four other members of client staff confirming their acceptance of my proposals for high level cleaning. 

This time however I copied a member of my team in to monitor the emails in my absence. What followed were a series of emails detailing a conversation between two people with one of them trying to persuade a further two people not to proceed with our proposals using less than professional very critical language whilst not knowing they had copied us in.

The comments used by this one quite senior individual were nasty to say the least and his intentions to behave less than professionally were very clear when all they had to say was no thanks there’s your three months’ notice goodbye. If a client does not want to proceed with a quotation because we do not meet their procurement requirements its perfectly acceptable. What is however unacceptable is the manner in which this incident occurred by emailing whilst I was communicating with these people in person and by phone sometimes out of hours at no extra charge.

What Did We Do About It?

We decided not to engage personally with these people or to respond to their comments and not to give them the attention they were inadvertently seeking. What we did do instead was to respond to the gaslight email itself by handing in our notice and this was our first real  experience of “Gaslighting.”  Of course, this works even better when people may perhaps be emailing you directly, but it is made all the more difficult when two people you worked with who on the face of it seemed to be sincere honest and professional people don’t even know that they are gaslighting you in the first place.

Conclusion

Victims of gaslighting frequently encounter misinterpretations of events, resulting in a profound loss of trust. This form of abuse can have severe consequences, including mental health disorders, suicidal ideation, and emotional trauma. Moreover, gaslighting behaviour often leads to victim blaming and a significant erosion of confidence. Those subjected to gaslighting may also experience manipulation or distortion of their memories of events.  The devastating effects of gaslighting manifest as emotional abuse and the establishment of unequal power dynamics within relationships. It is important to educate ourselves and others about gaslighting to recognize the signs and take necessary action. Gaslighting can occur in personal relationships, professional spaces, and even within societal structures. 

By understanding the impact of gaslighting and recognizing the signs, we can empower ourselves and others to counteract this behaviour. Try to remember that almost everyone has their life problems to deal with personal problems which a lot of people don't share with anyone.  Nevertheless they are dealing with them by themselves in isolation causing worry stress anxiety and depression which they may be suffering in silence with. Be kind be patient and be  supportive and try not to let peoples demeanour make you feel you are being disrespected because in most cases your not. It is crucial to recognise when someone is being gaslighted to get them to seek professional help when needed and expose the common misconceptions surrounding gaslighting. 

Thankfully this gaslighting happened to us a good number of years ago and hasn't happened to us since because the people we deal with now are just not that way inclined. We ourselves also talk to people and try to help by by offering health Assured for our employees which is a private and confidential free counselling service available 24/7. "Health Assured recognises there can be times when additional support is needed for employees and managers alike. Balancing the pressures of work with the needs of home and personal life can be at times, stressful. Our employee counselling service provides complete nationwide coverage and guarantees all of our counsellors meet stringent quality criteria."